Saying No in a relationship
Relationships are all fun and games until you start to disagree on something serious. Maybe he wants to take things to the next level but you’re not ready yet. That doesn’t mean you want out, but ensuring your partner feels secure even when you say, “no” to something big isn’t always the easiest task. Here are five situations you might come across in your relationship, and how to say no without it having a negative impact.
Trading keys.
This one can be tricky. The main thing to keep in mind when your partner starts bringing up trading keys is to think about why they want to. Someone who is insecure might request it in order to force intimacy, but that will only lead to trouble. If they are constantly coming and going from your place, they might want it for convenience sake.
If you’re not ready, the best way to say no is to explain your reasoning for it. Don’t make it an off the table subject, but mention why you feel it is currently unnecessary (e.g. you’re always home when they come over and leave), and if you have roommates – that they don’t feel comfortable with someone else having access to their home at any time. Whatever your reason is, it should be concrete and not personal, and it should be phrased in a way that still lets the other person know you trust them completely.
Moving in together.
If you both have roommates (hence the awkward key situation), eventually, someone will likely bring up the idea of ditching the roomies for each other. If you’re not yet ready to do that, it is completely fair to be honest and direct about why. Is it too soon? Is your current rent super affordable? Do you love your roomies to death and still want to live with them? Do you like your alone time, and don’t want to be forced into a 24/7 cohabitation situation in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment? Let your partner know what your reasoning is.
Getting a pet.
This might be a test to see how nurturing you are, and what kind of parent you will be to future babies. If you don’t want a pet, rather than just shutting down the conversation completely, give a good reason why. But of course, if the reason is you’re afraid it will be you and only you training Bobo and taking him for walks, it’s best to just make it easy and say you’re allergic. Just don’t forget to sneeze next time you’re in the same room as a cat.
Where to go on vacation.
You want somewhere cool. She wants somewhere hot. The easiest solution is to prove why your vacation spot is better in the short term (lower airfare, cheaper hotels, incredible scenery, etc) so they feel just as excited about your destination as you are – or at least excited about how much money it’ll save for the next vacation.
Intimacy
Maybe he’s finally comfortable enough to tell you about his deepest fantasy, but it’s something way outside your comfort zone. It’s key to be incredibly delicate here, because when someone is that open and vulnerable with you, it’s a scary thing for them. If you’re not feeling it, they might feel embarrassed they even brought it up. The best way to say no is to mention what you would be willing to try instead. It might be something slightly less extreme, but letting your partner know you’re willing to test the waters will ensure they feel completely comfortable talking about their fantasies more as the relationship progresses. Plus, the best sex comes from being open and trying new things together anyway.